Textures – Phenotype ALBUM REVIEW

I’m just going to get it out of the way, I fucking hate Textures. Like, a lot. I see them as the band that single-handedly ruined djent and gave it to all of the scenecore bands to fuck up. Not only that, but even at their absolute best, they were a shitty Meshuggah clone, never original outside of coming up with the brilliant idea of adding metalcore to djent music. This trend continues with Phenotype, to absolutely no one’s surprise.

If you’ve ever heard a popular djent record in the last 4-5 years, you’ll know what this sounds like. High production value, forced as hell “harsh” bits to sound edgy, followed by dime a dozen clean vocals, with various other random shit thrown in so they can label it as prog. The cleans really are the worst aspect of this album. Every time I hear the vocalist open his mouth I just picture a man with the most punchable face imaginable, like that one guy with a nose ring that’s always playing shitty nirvana covers, with his expensive acoustic guitar his parents got him for barely having a 3.0 the first semester of his freshman year, outside a local coffee shop. Surprisingly, the music actually doesn’t sound that pretentious. In fact it’s the exact opposite, everything here is super safe and full of shit to pander to the populace. Not that there is literally nothing here worth listening (Illuminate the Trail is actually a pretty dang good track), but for every one thing this album does well, it does a fuckload more things very mediocre, even in the case of Zman, an entire track dedicated to emotional and cheesy piano that fits nowhere in the album, they do shit that’s so bad it makes me want to throw up.

Textures’ newest record is like a high budget action flick, with every stereotype you would expect. Except there isn’t any action. Instead of seeing giant robots fighting, you’re watching giant robots contemplating philosophy at a 9th grade level, pandering to those who don’t actually know anything about philosophy itself. For the average person, it’s an enlightening experience. For people who actually likes metal, it’s a complete waste of time.