Dissona – Paleopneumatic

Holy shit there is a lot going on here. It’s hard to write a detailed review of this album just because of the sheer amount of stuff they put here. I can’t even fully wrap my head around it. Choirs, electronic synths, violins, tribal drums, acoustic guitars, death vocals, clean vocals, technical wank solos, harpsichords, full orchestras. Dissona did just about everything in their power to make this the most try hard epic album humanly possible. There’s so much hyper over the top bombastic bullshit in this album that it makes me want to puke.

Here’s the thing though: it actually works. While I do feel like this album is a supreme form of cancerous wank, in the back of my mind I can’t help but think “but it’s actually working”. Despite initial reaction of disgust, I can’t help but admit that despite trying so damn hard to create something superficially epic, that they actually managed to succeed in that manner. Despite having so many ideas, they all actually tie in together pretty well and never do I feel like anything they do doesn’t work. Despite creating an album that is a checklist of cancer in prog metal, Dissona managed to beat the odds and actually achieve the goal that so many other similar bands don’t: they created a true epic.

And it’s hard to really articulate why it works so well. The one thing I can maybe point to is the fact that the production job is extremely professional, and there are no shortcuts taken (like having midi choirs). Other than that, I feel like this is just an example of a band taking a lot of tried ideas, and actually executing them well for once.

Paleopneumatic (god could you get a more pretentious title?) is a higher-than-thou wankfest of the highest degree, the kind of album that your friend who loves Dream Theater would link you every day so that they may convert you to the prog side in the most annoying way possible. As a whole, it is pure, unfiltered cancer to a community already infected with it.

But it’s also good. Really good.


8/10

Kitties of Death – Valley of the Death ALBUM REVIEW

You guys remember Happy Tree Friends? Remember when you discovered them in middle school and thought it was the edgiest and funniest thing in existence? This is basically the musical equivalent of that. It’s music for middle school kids to discover and share with their friends so that they feel like they’re all grown up. It’s a necessary part of the life cycle, but I don’t grade on how good of a teenage learning experience an album is. As far as music goes, this is complete and utter trash. “Avant-Garde” my ass.


0.75/10

Mechina – Progenitor ALBUM REVIEW

OFFICIAL SHITTY ALBUM CHECKLIST

Bland Symphonic backtracks?: Check
Shitty electronic bits that have nothing to do with the music?: Check
Vocals that sound like they belong in “Generic Djent album #3849230348”?: Check
Cheese that is simultaneously not self aware, but not totally sincere either?: Check
Nearly indistinguishable tracks?: Check
Mindless chugging?: Check
BONUS – Is it a Mechina album?: Check, double check

About the only thing Progenitor doesn’t check is incompetent musicianship, but these guys don’t exactly show they’re virtuosos either. I’ll admit the main riff of Cryoshock is actually pretty groovy, but everything else about this album is complete, and utter trash.


2/10

Mechina – Acheron ALBUM REVIEW

Everything about this album seems manufactured in some way. The riffs are stale and processed, the symphonic parts seem generic and uninspired, and the ethnic influences seem forced. The entire album is going for cheap epicness and while at times it has some cool sections, overall it’s just a completely uninspired mess.


2.5/10