Kitties of Death – Valley of the Death ALBUM REVIEW

You guys remember Happy Tree Friends? Remember when you discovered them in middle school and thought it was the edgiest and funniest thing in existence? This is basically the musical equivalent of that. It’s music for middle school kids to discover and share with their friends so that they feel like they’re all grown up. It’s a necessary part of the life cycle, but I don’t grade on how good of a teenage learning experience an album is. As far as music goes, this is complete and utter trash. “Avant-Garde” my ass.


0.75/10

Shining – International Blackjazz Society ALBUM REVIEW

This is essentially buttrock with loopy saxophones. The jazz that is in this album consists of erratic wailing on the sax, while surrounded by rolling drums and crashing symbols, creating a chaotic storm that would be perfect as an intro to a jazz influenced metal track… but not to whatever the hell comes afterwards. Despite being called the International Blackjazz Society, there is very little black, or jazz in this album in the slightest. Instead you get a sorry excuse for an Industrial / jazz mashup that ends up sounding more like if new Metallica tried to do Industrial metal. Make no mistake, this album is a cash grab, there’s no doubt about it. If you sought this looking for any semblance of quality, you’ll be pleasantly greeted with one of the least intelligently crafted major albums this year.
“Don’t tell me what to say, I’ll always disobey”
Give me a fucking break.


0.75/10

Angellore – La litanie des cendres ALBUM REVIEW

Have you ever wondered what it would be like if Celine Dion made death doom metal? Wonder no more, for this album brings that experience and then adds as much vomit inducing sappiness as possible. I’m pretty sure the moment towards the end of the first track, in which the awfully executed death vocals try to be super emotional at the “climax” of the track is a contender for the worst moment in any album this year. It’s not even so bad that it’s funny, it’s just so disgusting you feel like gagging. That’s the worst part, I can’t actually even laugh at this, because it’s not bad because Angellore doesn’t know what they’re doing, it’s bad because they do know, and they decided to use that knowledge to make a metal infused 90s adult contemporary record. Pure and utter garbage.


0.75/10