Quick update

Sorry for the lack of reviews, had to write a 6 page paper over spring break, which included reading a 350 page book. Regularly scheduled reviews will return tomorrow. I’m also doing a side project that’s just about ready, although I’m not sure how I’ll incorporate it into the site. Stay tuned.

Undertale is Cancer but goatmom is kinda hot tbh

I’m pretty drunk, so I figured I might as well go for this. There is this special meme going on that toby fox is a great composer that is god’s gift to video game music. That he has amazing melodies and should like make symphonies or do some sort amazing thing that some random awful Undertale fan thinks he should do because he’s somehow on par with professional composers. Here’s the thing, Toby Fox isn’t just a mediocre composer, he is literally incapable of creating a full song. For an example, I’ll go with megolovania because everyone jacks off over that (even though it’s literally just a rehash of his song from homestuck, like literally just about note for note). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZcoqR9Bwx1Y Now it’s all fine and fappy until about 1:20. Now look at 1:20 and notice what happens through the rest of the song. Look at it more. See any development? No? You mean he’s just rehashing the first theme the entire fucking 4 minutes? Gee wow, that doesn’t like good composition. No shit it’s awful composition. He can’t create a full song. There is no end to that track, it ends because he figured he had to end it somewhere, so he’ll just restate the main theme until people grow tired of it. And it works, because in game nobody cares about the composition of the song, and out of game nobody of youtube listens to a track for more than a few seconds, so they don’t know that he actually doesn’t know how to make more than half a song. “but Lizard-kun-chan-husbando, what DOES a good video game composition look like?”. Here I’ll fucking give it to you
Notice how there is a main theme, development of a main theme, and an actual end. Like, wow, a song and not just an amateur composer jerking off around one theme. Yes, this is from a yugioh game and it is just about half the length of megolovania, yet says about quadruple as much as toby fox could ever hope to produce from his tiny, tiny fingers.
No go to just about any other toby fox song and you’ll see the exact same thing. He is actually incompetent at writing music beyond a frame of 30 seconds, but modern video game music is essentially shitty movie music (at least in the popular games), so anytime people here a melody they freak out like it’s the god of video game music.

In conclusion, fuck everyone who like this, they are what makes modern video game music the cancer that it is today. Have some good shit to cleanse the pallet of this grabage


Shit’s changing yo

So if any of you guys have been on my site within the last day, you probably noticed that shit’s been going down in terms of not just layout, but review style. Here’s the skinny: basically, I determined that there is no reason to do long reviews anymore, and instead will focus on getting in much more albums, with much shorter reviews that are less of an analysis and more of a humorous comment or meme or whatever the fuck. I came to this conclusion due to a lot of things, but I’ll break down the main components here:

  1. It’s not possible to consistently do long reviews. You guys are definitely familiar with my tendency to have long breaks with reviewing. I’ve touched on this before but I finally am just done with having it happen. I’ve tried numerous ways to combat it, but the truth is no amount of fixing the way I review ill solve the fact that constantly doing long reviews is just plain exhausting. All of the other big review sites you see have lots of writers doing the reviews, even angry metal guy which yes, isn’t one guy. It’s just not feasible for one person to do at least one long review of an album a day, especially when they aren’t making any money off of it and have to do other things as well. So I had to choose between doing spurts of reviews or maybe doing a review once every few days, or doing consistently short reviews. I chose consistently short reviews because of the second reason:
  2. Long reviews did not separate my site from all the others. I wouldn’t say there are a ton of metal review sites out there, but the ones that do exist are pretty much all focused on giving extended, and detailed analysis of the album at hand. I admire that, however if all the sites do that, most of them are going to fail simply due to not having anything distinguishable from each other. So I figured, what am I good at? How could I separate myself from everyone else? I find that what draws people to my reviews isn’t just that I’m good at analyzing, it’s that they’re entertaining as well. I use funny metaphors, I make jokes, I try not to be so formal, it’s all relatable stuff. I feel like that’s why angry metal guy actually has followers, because he injects personality into his writings. Hate all you want, it’s why Pitchfork is so popular, because their reviews got known for not being snooze fests (as well as being very controversial at times). So I knew I had to make that the focus. However I can’t just copy the big boys. I can’t just make an angry metal guy clone and expect people to visit. If I’m the same as him, they’re going to visit him because they actually know and trust him. That’s why I want to make my focus not just reviews, but more recommendations. People read reviews above all to know if an album is worth hearing. So why not just make reviews that let you know just that, albeit in an entertaining and sometimes abstract way. My goal is for this site to be a site where if a metal album was released that year, it’s almost certainly reviewed here. If I can’t beat them with quality, I might as well go quantity. But above all, the biggest reason I will stop doing long reviews is
  3. No one reads long reviews. The biggest reason why I’m changing the goal of the site is that I feel like I wasn’t getting anything back with the long reviews. Sure it was great when a band told me good job on my review. But let’s be real, a lot of that was because I gave them a good score and they weren’t well known. I couldn’t written something totally mediocre and people would’ve loved it. The bottom line is I got the same amount of praise for the short comedic reviews as I did the super longs ones, less in fact. I spent 6 hours total on the Dream Theater review this year, and it got a lot of praise. But I also wrote a joke review of Native Construct’s album off site, and it got just about the same amount of love. I feel like my effort wasn’t matching my reward.

So with these three things in mind, I’m going a new direction that will focus on letting you guys know if something is good, rather than giving analysis that you just don’t care about.I would love feedback if you guys have any. Who knows, maybe if lots and lots of people complain I’ll do something different. Probably not though, I’m a bit too jaded at this point.

Explanation for absence

Hey guys, so you may have noticed that I haven’t uploaded a review in about a week. Before then I was uploading reviews daily and trying to keep up a schedule that way. The few people who do follow this blog and my RYM may also see that I sometimes have long absences from reviews where I’ll do a bunch of reviews then disappear for a while. Well the explanation for this is two-fold. The major reason is that if I start doing a bunch of reviews, they’ll start off really well and then get progressively worse and worse. This is because my creative energy gets drained and I just run out of ideas honestly. I have to recharge in order to start up again, otherwise I’ll just put out half assed review after half assed review. It’s sort of like how in Pokemon you’ll run out of PP for a move, and then when you have no more PP for any moves anymore, you just have to use struggle. To prevent that, I take breaks. I’ve been trying to figure out a way to make it so that I don’t have to do this, but right now it’s the reality of things. The second lesser reason is that I’m kind of stuck on an album (the new Destroyer 666) in which I’m having a hard time reviewing it. That’s usually one of the reasons I stop reviewing for a while, where I have an album that I just don’t know what to say about. But that’ll stop eventually and I’ll go right back to it.

Just figured I’d give you guys a heads up instead of just leaving you wondering what happened. So if I ever take absences again you’ll know what’s up. On a side note, I’m working on a HUGE funeral doom project that’s going to be very time consuming, but I think informative, and worth it in the end. It’ll be a while before I’m done with that, but I think you’ll like it. Anyway, I’ll probably have a review out by either friday or saturday (I have a paper I have to write currently), so be on the lookout for that! See you guys then, and happy listening \m/