Youtube video is OUT!

 

Hey guys, just want to let ya’ll know that my first youtube video is out now!

Youtube didn’t process the music for some reason (which was kind of half the humor value), but I’ll figure that out hopefully in time for next week’s video. I’ll link this video in all the albums that show up in this video. Let me know what you think, and make sure to subscribe!

Witch’s Heart – The Harrowing

Harrows Hymn is actually a pretty damn cool industrial black ambient piece, and the desolate beauty is a surprisingly pleasant to listen to psychedelic, quiet, sludgly black metalish track. Unfortunately the rest of the album is boring, mindlessly repetitive industrial sludge noise that tries to make itself out to be experimental and satanic. It’s an interesting take on blackened sludge, but interesting does not equate to good every time.


5.5/10

https://witchsheart.bandcamp.com/album/the-harrowing

Upcoming Youtube video, changes to site

Hey guys, just giving ya’ll another update. My youtube video is almost done, and will be up either later tonight, or tomorrow. It’s going to be an ongoing segment called This Week in Metal, where I will outline the best, worse, and most important albums of that week. It’s kind of long (around 20+ minutes), but long fits into the youtube algorithm, and I think it’s in depth enough to warrant that length.

A quick change I want to announce is that now that I’m doing very long youtube videos at least once a week, I feel comfortable going back to doing blurbs on albums rather than 1k+ word reviews. I think now that I actually have something of worth to supplement the lack of words on reviews, I’ll be able to get to more albums, in exchange of saying less about them. I also decided that I will indeed upload all of them individually, just so that this site can more easily be a searchable database of my ratings (and this indecision of whether to do this is why I haven’t uploaded anything in a while). So yeah, there will now be daily uploads on this site, just not super long reviews anymore. Those will be on my youtube channel. Thanks for sticking with me, and I hope to see your support in the future.

I’M MOVING TO YOUTUBE (plus other announcements regarding the future of the site)

Hey guys, so this has been a long time coming, but I decided to finally make the move to youtube. Later this week you’ll see my first youtube video, which will be a list of the top albums of the year so far. I want to make a long winded explanation of everything, but I’m pretty sure this won’t get too many reads anyway, so I’ll be to the point. I’ve always wanted to eventually start a youtube channel anyway, and if anything this site was a way to build a bit of an audience to get a youtube channel started. Written reviews are great and fun to do, but let’s be real, people don’t read them, and I could write 2-3k words a day all I want, they’ll always get a fraction of the exposure that youtube videos do. Beyond the market, I feel like 2 things limit me in my creativity: 1. the need to write extended reviews for albums I really don’t have a lot to say about, and 2. the fact that I can only do so much with words compared to what I can do in a youtube video. What I envision is for this site to be a place where I post my youtube videos, and put blurbs for albums I listen to that aren’t going to show up on my youtube channel, while also being able to focus on high quality content that ISN’T just reviews. I want to do other things that aren’t reviews involving music, but it’s a bit hard to do that just in written for on a blog site. Overall I feel like this is the next step to achieving my goal of being a content creator for a living, and honestly one I should not have put off for this long. Hope to see you guys on my channel, I’ll post it on here when my first video is done!


10/10 best new youtube channel

Quick Life Update

Hey guys, just wanted to let you know that the reason I haven’t been putting reviews out is because the class I’m taking right now during summer term is a lot more demanding than I thought it would be. There are constant assignments and tests as it’s really condensed, and they’re more difficult than I imagined they would be. Naturally I’m putting school over reviews, so they’ve had to take a back seat. The class is over friday though, so things will get back to a relatively normal schedule then. Just letting ya’ll know that I’m not dead, just really busy.

Quick Schedule Update

Just a quick update, I’m really busy today and there probably won’t be a review. Definitely will be Saturday though. I’m gonna designate Sunday as my day off from now on, I realized that I can’t keep up 2-4 reviews a day, 365 days a year for the rest of my life haha. I’ve been writing around 2000 words a day, I’m human, I need rest. Starting Monday I’m going to try out a new schedule and we’ll see how that goes. I’m doing doing summer school for two weeks starting then, so I don’t think anything will change, but if I don’t do quite as many reviews, that’ll be why. Thank ya’ll for supporting me as I returned, I’m committed now to maintaining this site and the quality of my reviews. This is no longer a hobby for me, and more like a job. Hope you enjoy my work as much as I do. Love ya.

ERRA – Drift

Ok fine, I’ll stop playing league to post something, but only because I’m on tilt and don’t want to get demoted.

Imagine Periphery, except 10x more generic, with superficial technicality (because I guess they wanted credibility or something????), and a vocalist that somehow manages to be even more generic than the music the band produces itself. I actually amazed, normally when I go into a record thinking I’m going to like it, I have a hard time giving it a bad score. But fuck me sideways, these guys pulled it off. I guess the later half of the record is “better”, if I can really call it that, but that’s more to a testament to how mind mindbogglingly boring the first half is. If you have heard a progressive metalcore album, you have heard this album before. The djent aspects seem to be there just because apparently that’s a requirement if you’re going to have -core and progressive in your genre tags. The djenty riffs have no real rhyme or reason to them, sounding more like they’re just trying to give a vague sense of trendiness, than any sort of actual rhythm or structure any good djent band creates. To be honest I just looked at porn the entire second half of the album, because I figured I wouldn’t get through it any other way. But I couldn’t actually find anything good, so I basically just spent the time looking at shitty deviantart tier r34 drawings while listening to music I hated. So congrats ERRA, you made looking at porn a miserable experience. Now please chug somewhere else where nobody can hear you.


4/10

Quick update

Sorry for the lack of reviews, had to write a 6 page paper over spring break, which included reading a 350 page book. Regularly scheduled reviews will return tomorrow. I’m also doing a side project that’s just about ready, although I’m not sure how I’ll incorporate it into the site. Stay tuned.

Undertale is Cancer but goatmom is kinda hot tbh

I’m pretty drunk, so I figured I might as well go for this. There is this special meme going on that toby fox is a great composer that is god’s gift to video game music. That he has amazing melodies and should like make symphonies or do some sort amazing thing that some random awful Undertale fan thinks he should do because he’s somehow on par with professional composers. Here’s the thing, Toby Fox isn’t just a mediocre composer, he is literally incapable of creating a full song. For an example, I’ll go with megolovania because everyone jacks off over that (even though it’s literally just a rehash of his song from homestuck, like literally just about note for note). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZcoqR9Bwx1Y Now it’s all fine and fappy until about 1:20. Now look at 1:20 and notice what happens through the rest of the song. Look at it more. See any development? No? You mean he’s just rehashing the first theme the entire fucking 4 minutes? Gee wow, that doesn’t like good composition. No shit it’s awful composition. He can’t create a full song. There is no end to that track, it ends because he figured he had to end it somewhere, so he’ll just restate the main theme until people grow tired of it. And it works, because in game nobody cares about the composition of the song, and out of game nobody of youtube listens to a track for more than a few seconds, so they don’t know that he actually doesn’t know how to make more than half a song. “but Lizard-kun-chan-husbando, what DOES a good video game composition look like?”. Here I’ll fucking give it to you
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_F6hCvmzVE
Notice how there is a main theme, development of a main theme, and an actual end. Like, wow, a song and not just an amateur composer jerking off around one theme. Yes, this is from a yugioh game and it is just about half the length of megolovania, yet says about quadruple as much as toby fox could ever hope to produce from his tiny, tiny fingers.
No go to just about any other toby fox song and you’ll see the exact same thing. He is actually incompetent at writing music beyond a frame of 30 seconds, but modern video game music is essentially shitty movie music (at least in the popular games), so anytime people here a melody they freak out like it’s the god of video game music.

In conclusion, fuck everyone who like this, they are what makes modern video game music the cancer that it is today. Have some good shit to cleanse the pallet of this grabage
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mPl-ns-yIUE


2/10

Shit’s changing yo

So if any of you guys have been on my site within the last day, you probably noticed that shit’s been going down in terms of not just layout, but review style. Here’s the skinny: basically, I determined that there is no reason to do long reviews anymore, and instead will focus on getting in much more albums, with much shorter reviews that are less of an analysis and more of a humorous comment or meme or whatever the fuck. I came to this conclusion due to a lot of things, but I’ll break down the main components here:

  1. It’s not possible to consistently do long reviews. You guys are definitely familiar with my tendency to have long breaks with reviewing. I’ve touched on this before but I finally am just done with having it happen. I’ve tried numerous ways to combat it, but the truth is no amount of fixing the way I review ill solve the fact that constantly doing long reviews is just plain exhausting. All of the other big review sites you see have lots of writers doing the reviews, even angry metal guy which yes, isn’t one guy. It’s just not feasible for one person to do at least one long review of an album a day, especially when they aren’t making any money off of it and have to do other things as well. So I had to choose between doing spurts of reviews or maybe doing a review once every few days, or doing consistently short reviews. I chose consistently short reviews because of the second reason:
  2. Long reviews did not separate my site from all the others. I wouldn’t say there are a ton of metal review sites out there, but the ones that do exist are pretty much all focused on giving extended, and detailed analysis of the album at hand. I admire that, however if all the sites do that, most of them are going to fail simply due to not having anything distinguishable from each other. So I figured, what am I good at? How could I separate myself from everyone else? I find that what draws people to my reviews isn’t just that I’m good at analyzing, it’s that they’re entertaining as well. I use funny metaphors, I make jokes, I try not to be so formal, it’s all relatable stuff. I feel like that’s why angry metal guy actually has followers, because he injects personality into his writings. Hate all you want, it’s why Pitchfork is so popular, because their reviews got known for not being snooze fests (as well as being very controversial at times). So I knew I had to make that the focus. However I can’t just copy the big boys. I can’t just make an angry metal guy clone and expect people to visit. If I’m the same as him, they’re going to visit him because they actually know and trust him. That’s why I want to make my focus not just reviews, but more recommendations. People read reviews above all to know if an album is worth hearing. So why not just make reviews that let you know just that, albeit in an entertaining and sometimes abstract way. My goal is for this site to be a site where if a metal album was released that year, it’s almost certainly reviewed here. If I can’t beat them with quality, I might as well go quantity. But above all, the biggest reason I will stop doing long reviews is
  3. No one reads long reviews. The biggest reason why I’m changing the goal of the site is that I feel like I wasn’t getting anything back with the long reviews. Sure it was great when a band told me good job on my review. But let’s be real, a lot of that was because I gave them a good score and they weren’t well known. I couldn’t written something totally mediocre and people would’ve loved it. The bottom line is I got the same amount of praise for the short comedic reviews as I did the super longs ones, less in fact. I spent 6 hours total on the Dream Theater review this year, and it got a lot of praise. But I also wrote a joke review of Native Construct’s album off site, and it got just about the same amount of love. I feel like my effort wasn’t matching my reward.

So with these three things in mind, I’m going a new direction that will focus on letting you guys know if something is good, rather than giving analysis that you just don’t care about.I would love feedback if you guys have any. Who knows, maybe if lots and lots of people complain I’ll do something different. Probably not though, I’m a bit too jaded at this point.