Nails – You Will Never Be One of Us

Instead of doing a proper review of this album, I figured I would list the top 5 reasons to become a murderer:

  1. The Earth has a population problem. By the year 2100, the earth’s population is estimated to be around 12 billion. This is absolutely unsustainable. Obviously no one is going to voluntarily die (the pussies at the human extinction movement just aren’t breeding, by the time they die it’ll already be a problem), so the best possible way to solve the problem as quickly as possible is by murdering randos. People do it with deer, why not other people?
  2. Humans are fucking awful. Aside from the fact that we are killing the planet via pollution and man made global warming, aside from the fact that our world is run by politicians and corporations who shit on the less fortunate for profit, and aside from the fact that we will literally fund our sports teams before any actual education, we’re just fucking ugly. Fucking, chimpanzee, naked mole rat lookin ass niggas. That’s probably worth a few dozens of killings right there.
  3. Dream Theater exists. This doesn’t really have much to do with anything, I’m just really salty about having to review The Astonishing. Tbh if I had to listen to another 2 hour Dream Theater album, I’d probably grab my rifle, go to the nearest shopping center, and pull a Jolly Mally myself.
  4. We all kill each other anyway. The US just sends flying robots to bomb the Middle East because we haven’t met our quota of killing innocent brown people for the day. Then those brown people go to Europe (who actually welcomes them in) and bombs random places in their cities because they haven’t met their quota of killing innocent people who disagree with them for the day. The fuck does a few more dead matter?
  5. You could go your deeds while listening to this album for wicked cool vibes. But you won’t, instead you’ll just sit at your computer all day, calling people the n word on the internet, calling anyone who implies women are not perfect misogynist, all while sitting in your room eating doritos in the safest place possible. You are the epitome of all bark not bite, and forever will be a spineless coward who’s idea of evil music is fucking Weakling. Because you will NEVER, be one of us.

    8.75/10

Seven Sisters of Sleep – Ezekiel’s Hags

Hello? Hey is this 2016 speaking?… Hi 2016, it’s Electric Lizard…. Yeah I’m doing good, just going through your albums like always. Say you know I’ve been thinking, there’s something missing from your catalog so far this year. Don’t get me wrong, you’ve had some great albums so far, it’s just that… yeah I know you’re trying your best… yeah Cthe’ilest was pretty damn cool… listen I’m not saying you’ve been bad this year but something has been a bit lacking. So I wanted to ask you a favor. Could you maybe make a you know, good sludge album? I mean yeah Bloodiest wasn’t bad but you know, that’s a lot more post-metal than anything else… yes I know it’s technically called atmospheric sludge metal… uh huh… yeah… look what I want is something that’s really grimey and hard, just pure sludgey goodness… what’s that? You got one for me?! Awww thanks 2016 you’re the best! Does it have those guitar shrieks?… it does?… it doesn’t go full Meth Drinker and abuse it thought, does it?… no?! Man you know 2016, you’re a pretty great guy after all! Hey how about we grab lunch sometime, my treat?… Oh, you’re busy? Oh well uh, that’s ok, I’m not a huge fan of lunch anyway, haha. Anyway it was great talking to yo- hello?… you there? 2016 please answer I don’t have any other friends to talk to. Hello? Hello?!


8/10

 

VHOL – Deeper Than Sky ALBUM REVIEW

This albums just all over the place. One minute it’s going fast and thrash, with some punkish lyrics and riffs. The next it’s got a spacey atmosphere that seems more like a wall of trippy noise than anything else.  It’s like blackened crust punk on schizophrenia and shrooms. Ideas zoom and dash all over the place, rarely a break in between. One moment you have a melancholy, prog-induced chill coma, then the next you have a piano track that sounds like it came out of an avant-garde clown’s wet dream. The entire atmosphere of this album is one of confusion, which would be fine, but I don’t think that’s what it was meant to be. I can’t tell if I’m supposed to feel happy or angry when I’m listening to this. Heck maybe I’m supposed to feel both. But the result is I feel neither. There’s lots of snippets of great ideas that go nowhere, and intelligent passages that feel empty. Deeper than Sky is like watching Jim Carey playing a serious role. It tries to convey a dark sense of dread and important, but you can’t help but ponder whether to laugh at it’s attempt, or cry that it tried in the first place.


3.25/10

Cult Leader – Lightless Walk ALBUM REVIEW

It’s not secret that as far as imagery and atmosphere in metal, violence is a key component to the more harsh scene. This is especially prevalent in the more underground death metal, sludge metal, and then more ubiquitously grindcore, crust punk, deathgrind, etc. Lightless Walk is absolutely no exception to that, featuring mostly shorter tracks that beat your face in while making in a point in as little time as possible, then continuing on to the next track of mostly the same thing. While this is pretty standard for crust punk, even though it is especially well executed here, the major difference that makes this album truly great is the way they change up the emotional pace of the album, and utilize much more melancholy atmosphere’s to contrast the violent smashing of heads with a more reflective approach.

The shorter tracks are exactly what you’d expect from a crust punk band. Violent, abrasive, rebellious snippets of punk anger towards an unjust world. While these are executed well here, I feel like they’re more filler than the central part of the album. Not as if they aren’t need, quite the opposite in fact. It’s just I feel like they’re there more to supplement the more soft sections so as to create a proper conflict.

And boy what a conflict it is. Or rather, how little of a conflict it is despite the opposing atmospheres. While for the most part these approaches remain contained in separate tracks, the listener gets a glimpse of what could be in tracks like Sympathetic. The start of the song seems like a fairly standard track among what you’d expect in a crust punk album. However at around the halfway mark, there’s a subtle bit of melodic structure and soft tones interwoven in the harsh music, which creates probably the best moment in the album. It catches you totally off guard, and turns out just to be a teaser for what is to come.

Unfortunately, there is never another look at the two styles mixed together, however on tracks like How Deep it Runs, and A Good Life, you,  do get the change of pace of slower, doomy, melancholy pieces. I’ve always thought that tonality is best used sparingly in which it is mostly absent. That is, mostly atonal with some tonality for maximum effect. To me it feels like such a release to listen to, having listened to all those “unpleasant” tones, and then finally getting the sweet release of a major triad. Lightless Walk doesn’t do this enough, but when it does, it’s quite something to hear. But what really separates this album is not just the fact that it combines harsh with soft, but in how slow those soft sections are. Like I said earlier, this borders on funeral doom at times, going so slow that it forces you to reflect on the music, rather than just take what it gives you at face value. The repetitive riffs on these tracks add a hypnotic feel that lulls you into a sense of daydream, completely forgetting all the pain the previous tracks reminded you life can bring.

If there’s anything really wrong with this, it’s its length, clocking in at not quite 37 minutes. It’s not really a bad length, but I feel like an extra 7-8 minutes or so would’ve done a lot of good. They also could’ve spaced the longer tracks with the shorter tracks a bit better, as right now it seems a bit random as to when you’ll hear one, rather than being more evenly spaced and used as tactical breaks. Even so, this is a fantastic album that reaches just under the AOTY candidate category. Worth a listen to anyone looking for a different kind of crust punk album.


8.75/10

Seventh Circle – Not Worth Saving ALBUM REVIEW

This is a 7:48 EP. It’s a little hard to fully judge something with that little information. So this rating is more a result of me saying “this wasn’t unpleasant to listen to and I generally liked it, but it wasn’t absolutely amazing either” rather than any kind of analysis. So um, yeah it managed to not suck for 8 minutes, hooray I guess?


6/10