Instead of doing a proper review of this album, I figured I would list the top 5 reasons to become a murderer:
- The Earth has a population problem. By the year 2100, the earth’s population is estimated to be around 12 billion. This is absolutely unsustainable. Obviously no one is going to voluntarily die (the pussies at the human extinction movement just aren’t breeding, by the time they die it’ll already be a problem), so the best possible way to solve the problem as quickly as possible is by murdering randos. People do it with deer, why not other people?
- Humans are fucking awful. Aside from the fact that we are killing the planet via pollution and man made global warming, aside from the fact that our world is run by politicians and corporations who shit on the less fortunate for profit, and aside from the fact that we will literally fund our sports teams before any actual education, we’re just fucking ugly. Fucking, chimpanzee, naked mole rat lookin ass niggas. That’s probably worth a few dozens of killings right there.
- Dream Theater exists. This doesn’t really have much to do with anything, I’m just really salty about having to review The Astonishing. Tbh if I had to listen to another 2 hour Dream Theater album, I’d probably grab my rifle, go to the nearest shopping center, and pull a Jolly Mally myself.
- We all kill each other anyway. The US just sends flying robots to bomb the Middle East because we haven’t met our quota of killing innocent brown people for the day. Then those brown people go to Europe (who actually welcomes them in) and bombs random places in their cities because they haven’t met their quota of killing innocent people who disagree with them for the day. The fuck does a few more dead matter?
- You could go your deeds while listening to this album for wicked cool vibes. But you won’t, instead you’ll just sit at your computer all day, calling people the n word on the internet, calling anyone who implies women are not perfect misogynist, all while sitting in your room eating doritos in the safest place possible. You are the epitome of all bark not bite, and forever will be a spineless coward who’s idea of evil music is fucking Weakling. Because you will NEVER, be one of us.