Cobalt – Slow Forever

You know like when you’re about to hook up with a nice 8/10 chick at a party? And like she’s not a super model but she has all the parts of someone you can get with. And then you get a bit frisky, you’re about to go at it, and then like you can’t get it up. Like there’s this beautiful chick in front of you, all naked, which should make your dick fucking cement. But nothing happens. For some reason, you can’t get it up. That’s this album to me. I love Neurosis-style hard atmo sludge, and I love black metal. So you would think this thing would be a slam dunk for me, right? Well no, not really. Throughout the whole 80 minute endeavor I felt like there was a distinct lack of variety, the only break coming with Breathe, a 2 minute, folkish acoustic guitar track, which I felt this album needed much more of. Besides CD 1 being mostly atmo sludge and CD 2 being mostly black metal (though both CDs have elements of both), I thought that there just wasn’t enough creative content other than “muh atmosphere and hardness” to justify a full album’s worth of music, let alone basically 2. It’s perfectly nice to listen to, but nothing so supremely great that I need to fuck this album right now. I really wanted to like this record a lot, but I ultimately couldn’t get more than a half-chub out of it.


6.25/10

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