Coincidentally, this album happens to have all of these warning signs. So how “epic” really is this “epic metal” album? Well, not very epic at all. Actually, it’s not much metal at all either. If I were to completely guess with no effort put into any actual measurement at all, I would say that there’s about 5-6 minutes of actual metal on this album, and the rest high quality 90s point and click PC game music with what sounds like a drunk russian attempting to “sing” black metal vocals but failing. Fortunately, despite it being extremely awful music, the one saving grace is that high quality midi music generally doesn’t hurt your ears as long as the production volume isn’t cranked up to 11. So actually this isn’t that unpleasant of an album to listen to. It’s just really bad in every other way. But hey, focus on the positives, right?
It’s come to my attention that dungeon synth anything is going to be extremely bad, yet I’ve heard that there is indeed good dungeon synth. It’s like how you’ve heard there are high quality McDonalds in other countries, but it’s pretty hard to believe until you’ve seen it. Also to all bands out there, please stop capitalizing “The” in a song title if it’s not at the beginning. That’s bad and you should feel bad. Almost as bad as this album is. But not quite, I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.