Grave Disgrace – The Mystery of the Dead Revive ALBUM REVIEW

And here I was beginning to think that it was impossible for me to hate a stoner doom album. I figured it was my one weakness, something that no matter how bad it is, I would always like at least somewhat. I actually became kinda worried about that, as I want to remain as unbiased as possible when I review something. Thank god that’s been proven to be false.

It’s funny, because it actually started out as something I thought I would enjoy. I love really dirty doom/sludge, and that had that guitar tone nailed way past my expectations. To a fault actually. You can only get so dirty before you eventually need to take a shower. This guitar tone reeks like a NEET who lives in his mom’s basement and hasn’t showered in weeks. And then it just kept going. And going. It didn’t help that it was accompanied by a really awkward cymbal tap the entire 4 and a half minute intro. Which leads to the worst part of this EP. The vocals. I actually would’ve done a better job at vocals than the vocalist of this band. And I’m an awful singer. Like, nearly tone deaf at singing. Not only can you hear the russian accent in this guy’s speech, but the way he speaks just sounds robotic, like he’s a 7th grader doing a speech presentation who is reading the entire speech from a sheet without looking at the audience once. It would be laughable if it wasn’t so annoying. At the end of the 12 minute long title track (yes, there’s 12 minutes of this) there are some actually pretty cool riffs, but they’re so distorted and garbled up by the production that you can barely hear them.

The second track, Sacrificed God, is another behemoth at 20 fucking minutes. Thankfully it’s better than the second track by virtue of not actually being the title track of this album. Also it has some pretty cool bluesy solos that remind me of 60s psychedelic rock, which is always a plus. But then…. is that… yeah I heard that right. That’s cowbell. They actually put cowbell in this album. The thought “This needs more cowbell” actually went through the band’s head’s and they implemented it. It’s almost like a sick joke or something, like they knew this was bad and wanted to add humor to distract from the fact that they aren’t good musicians. The rest of the track honestly isn’t awful, though one major issue is that the actual song is basically over at 8 minutes, but it continues on for another 12. There is absolutely 0 reason for Sacrificed God to be a 20 minute track. Actually had this EP been just the first 8 or so minutes of Sacrificed God, everything would’ve been perfectly fine (except for the vocals, those are still terrible). But they had to quadruple the length of that for seemingly no reason at all. There’s no substance to justify the length of the tracks, even if there are only two. It just seems like they had a few ideas, realized they didn’t have enough for an entire album, and said “Hey, wanna fuck around for 20 more minutes and call it an EP?”.

It’s a shame because I got excited at the cover art (cover art isn’t uploaded yet, but it’s basically a women with an axe through her forehead with fake blood around the wound, looked kinda kooky and cool to me). I was expecting lo-fi amateur stuff, but not something this bad. The fact that there is a stretch of The Mystery of the Dead Revive that isn’t awful is the only reason it doesn’t get lower. Speaking of which, what kind of name is The Mystery of the Dead Revive anyway? Sounds like someone took a mad libs that read “The (noun) of the (adj.) (verb)”. put random words in there, and called it good. Fitting shitty title for a shitty EP.


2.5/10

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